A DREAM ABOUT FINDING ONESELF...

One should never make the mistake of thinking that Islam has nothing to offer. It's easy to be influenced by a lot of negative propaganda. Nonetheless, there are many strands that promote all the good things such as compassion and mindfulness. While there are exoteric forms of the religion - i.e. ones that focus only on rituals and other external ceremonies and behavioural patterns - there are also esoteric forms which focus on the inner life of the individual. Sufism is the most known esoteric belief system in the Arabic world.

Nonetheless, I never found myself drawn to Islam and didn't read much about it at Uni. I think in my mind I see it as a bit of an antithesis to my own belief system even though in reality it's a bit unfair to parts of it. Some cultures just don't click! Therefore it was interesting that I had a dream about Islam.

I had lost my car, I couldn't remember where I had parked it, and most cars were the same colour (my cars have always been silver). This tends to be a recurrent theme in many of my dreams. As I was looking for it I came across a congregation of Muslims in a street corner. My impression of them was a good one. I had seen the same one in the morning, but in the evening I decided to join in. I suspected I had lost a piece of garment there and I did get it back from a kind looking boy. I felt drawn into the ceremonies and enjoyed a surprising sense of peacefulness that almost made me a bit uncomfortable because they were performing exoteric rituals. Still it felt esoteric, as it touched my heart. I was reluctant to leave. I received a pendant, round with a cross I believe, but had to give it back at the end because I was new. 

So what does it all mean? Perhaps, that I feel a bit lost in the sense that I can't seem to find or 'hold onto' my inner self and motivation at the moment (the lost car). I feel that I am lost among so many other creative people (the cars were all silver coloured, which denotes intuition and subconscious riches). Yet there it was, right in front of me and in the open; a form of spirituality that I had not expected. It looked so different from what I thought spirituality was going to be for me. But in keeping an open mind I was able to be touched by it. I received some form of initiation but only for the moment. Perhaps it represented something I am not quite ready for just yet, but it's there for me if I want it. Wholeness,  harmony and stability (the round shape with a cross) and a connection with the inner self that I could have with me at all times (a necklace). The congregation was marked by kindness and soulfulness. I recall most of the beautiful garments and objects were golden, a symbol of authentic spirituality.

Artwork: "Beckoning Shadows V", abstract photography, all rights reserved V-M C 2011

Source: http://vivi-mari.blogspot.com/2011/07/dream-with-spiritual-message.html

health and positive thinking health and spirituality

Does God Want You To Be Rich? Jesus And The Prosperity Gospel

Source: http://spiritfeast.blogspot.com/2012/02/does-god-want-you-to-be-rich-jesus-and.html

art and spirituality art of positive thinking

Gentle Advice For the Chronic Insomniac

My insomnia started as a result of emotional trauma, some ten years ago. As I was against taking drugs I resisted for a year, but got increasingly burned out and had to give in to them in the end. Herbal sleeping aids may help some but is not strong enough for me. Contrary to what many doctors tell you, some of the drugs that are supposed to help you fall asleep (but not necessarily stay asleep all night which a real sleeping pill would do), can actually work for years (Zopiklon in my case, you may need to look up the generic names, e.g. Lunesta in the USA). Doctors prefer to prescripe other "non-addictive" things such as Seroquel, which in higher doses is meant for epilepsia and psychoses... Well, it makes you drowsy and may work, but I'm not convinced the sleep quality is very good. One of the problems for many insomniacs is the lack of deep (restorative) sleep. This is for instance true in cases of fibromyalgia or chronic stress, where the nervous system is not able to wind down. Amitriptyline which is an old fashioned anti-depressant may help a bit in this case, but the side-effects are not very nice. They include dry mucus (for instance resulting in tooth decay and trouble speaking) low libido, and god knows what else that I have now forgotten. Anyhow, sleeping disorders may be very complicated and it's hard to get proper help. GP's and many psychiatrists like to make you think that you don't really have a problem because they don't understand the workings of the nervous system and the mind-body connection. I thought to compile a little list of things that I find helpful though, hoping that some of it might help others.

• 
  
  make sure that your bedroom is clutterfree. This is really, really important. Make it into a really cosy sanctuary with lots of soft cushions, a fluffy down duvet and good quality bed linen that has NO polyester in it. Change your sheets quite often, at least every fortnight. Make sure there are many layers of cotton underneath you if you have a foam mattress. Make sure the bed is soft enough to induce a feeling of security. The bedroom should never be used for anything but sleeping. I can't stress this enough! It really makes a difference. Sometimes sleeping on the ground floor can be a problem because you subconsciously may feel that someone could come in through the window. Try and see if this is the case. If you only have one floor, make sure the window is well blocked at least with heavy curtains if not in other more drastic ways.
• 
  
  make sure your bedroom is dark enough, and that it's neither too warm or too cold.
• 
  
  you might need to wear ear plugs. I have worn them for years...
• 
  
  According to Feng Shui, your head should face the East. You can always try... I turned my bed around but made other changes too so it's hard to tell whether this could have made a difference. Feng Shui also tells you not to have mirrors facing your bed, and to me that's really just common sense.
• 
  
  research has shown that having some carbohydrates before going to sleep is helpful. So the old adage about milk and cookies is correct. I find it calming to have some soyamilk or night time herbal tea along with a sandwhich or cake. Some say a small piece of dark chocolate is helpful.
• 
  
  alcohol can be bad for the quality of the sleep but sometimes a glass or two of wine can be helpful in calming the nerves. Don't make it into a habit, though.
• 
  
  lavender oil (make sure it's essential!) can be burnt in an oil burner or sprinkled onto something close to your nose. I find that it really does have a soothing effect. You might like to experiment with different brands, possibly from different countries of origin.
• 
  
  some incense may help. I find that some cheap incense from Thailand has a woody note that soothes me. You have to experiment to find out what works for you. There is also lavender scented incense but again you have to see which brand works for you. For me, the scent of rose is also conducive to positive feelings. If you can, keep some beautiful fresh flowers by the bed.
• 
  
  sit up in bed and meditate before sleep, if you can. If you have a helpful partner, he could stroke your back while you gently fall asleep.
• 
  
  get enough exercise in the daytime, for instance a half-hour walk or more. Then do some gentle exercise such as yoga or light weight lifting in the evening.
• 
  
  Qigong is very helpful in tuning in with your body and calming the mind. There's something you can do when you're already in bed - it's an exercise called LaQi, but it's by no means exclusive to Qigong. You hold your hands in front of your navel as if holding a bowl or a ball (the hands should not touch each other). Slowly separate them by moving the hands further apart, about half a meter. Then move them back again, slowly. Keep doing this for a while and find that your energies settle a bit (you're "collecting" and "building up" energy between your hands).
• 
  
  lying on a bed of nails (look it up online) for half an hour before bed is helping me feel more relaxed.
• 
  
  try and remember that your body does know how to fall asleep and don't buy into the mindclutter that tells you that you just can't. Breathe deeply, connect your mind with the whole body, and have faith that nature knows what to do. Don't get frustrated if this doesn't immediately solve your problem; rest assured that at least it's helpful...
• 
  
  going to bed at the same time every day is an important thing to strive towards even if the mind may make all sorts of excuses to avoid it. One problem could be the feeling of not wanting to get up the following day, and so you postpone going to bed... try and counteract this by sticking to the schedule and finding reasons that make getting up in the morning into a more pleasant experience. It could simply be having more time to wake up and having something nice to drink or eat that you can look forward to. If watching TV first thing in the morning works for you, then go for it! Whatever helps...
• 
  
  it really is best not to watch TV before bed, especially not an engaging movie. For some, reading a boring book helps but in my case it makes me have to focus and so it has the opposite effect. Looking through a magazine and dreaming about a beautiful home seems like a better option.
• 
  
  whatever is on your mind needs to be dealt with, so write it down or settle an argument before sleeping. Seriously consider cutting the cord with people who distress you on a permanent basis. Do whatever it takes!
• 
  
  footmassage to yourself with some pleasant oil is a good idea.
• 
  
  sometimes, soft music can help you drift off to sleep. The choice is obviously yours, it could be New Age music, nature's sounds (birds, rain, waves) or something alternative. There was a time when Steven Reich's drumming was helpful to me. Now I prefer complete silence.
• 
  
  last but not least; a sense of security is really important. You need to address the emotional issues that may make you feel insecure. Try and feel that nothing out there is out to get you, or that you are surrounded by benevolent forces that keep these negative energies at bay while you sleep. Having another person in your life that helps you feel safer could be a solution to some of these problems. Feeling vulnerable is not a crime...

As a side note, I'd like to add a few viewpoints on the way doctors often look at insomnia, especially in relation to a chronic illness of sorts. It's rare to meet someone who truly understands what it's like. You usually get referred to a psychiatrist, but they may not know much about insomnia per se (for instance, which medicines are really useful and not just "horrid addictive ones") and even less about the physical issues involved. If you're one of the unfortunate who suffer from ME, CFS and/or fibromyalgia, for instance, then the condition will affect your sleep in every conceivable way. It's all very well to talk about regular sleeping schedules, but when you're overly fatigued one day and extremely hyper the next, following a regular schedule can be next to impossible. It's also very disruptive if you are in a phase when you wake up a lot and thus loose hours of sleep. You may not be able to cope with the loss of even one hour of sleep. Getting up to do something else is just plain stupid advice. You might also find that you have to leave a party much earlier than anyone else because you can't cope with a disturbed schedule the next day).

I find it very stressful to try and juggle with medicines so that I can rest assured  that I will fall asleep when I'm supposed to. It's already hard enough to motivate myself to stick to schedule! Doctors rarely understand any of this. A shrink I had said that for one thing he doesn't believe fibromyalgia exists, for another I just need to stay up for two days and then I'm sure to sleep! Yeah right. I'd sleep for 24 hours, wake up bright as a morning bird - at four in the morning! Try and stick to schedule - it does help. But you might have to be prepared for some anxiety in relation to all the arrangments that need to be made to ensure that this really works.

Artwork: Digital photograph by author, all rights reserved 2010

Source: http://vivi-mari.blogspot.com/2010/01/gentle-advice-for-chronic-insomniac.html

meaning of zen meditation

Non-resistance in Meditation

Comment from Kathy — “I have trouble meditating in general. I can relax completely but then the slightest things disturb me. Things like my eyelids fluttering or an itch. My limbs become restless. Can you advise any strategy to help deal with that so I can stay in that relaxed state?” ———- 11-19-2011 — Meant [...]

Source: http://www.meditationoasis.com/2011/11/18/non-resistance-in-meditation/

holistic spirituality how can i think positive

Spiritually Speaking, Which Great Teachers Influence You The Most? A List To Help You...

Source: http://spiritfeast.blogspot.com/2012/01/spiritually-speaking-who-influences-you.html

religion and spirituality religion spirituality

ABOLISH POLYESTER UNDERWEAR!!

What?! You may say. Well, this motto came up when I googled myself a couple of times. I must have added that to an eco-site. But in fact, when I think of it, it really sums up what I believe in. First, there is a double morale regarding plastic. Here in the UK, they are trying to get people to buy less plastic bags. Yes I know they are usually used only once and then thrown away, so I am all for it. However, when I try and find clothes in clothes shops I find that at least 99 percent of the stuff in there is made of polyester or acrylic, and in some cases of viscose. It means that people are buying garments made of plastic and how is this supposed to be helping the world?? It's very clear that women buy the latest in fashion, use it once or twice because it's cheap, then recycle it so it ends up somewhere in Africa or with the poor in their own country. God knows where they end up after that - as some form of landfill no doubt, probably where it's definitely not supposed to be. 

It totally pisses me off that you can only wear crap clothes if you're poor. You have to be incredibly rich to be able to buy decent materials. In fact, it's unbelievable that I have to fight for my right to wear proper clothes! And on top of this there are the global concerns of sustainability. Plastic can never be a sustainable material unless you use it were it really serves a function for a long time to come. 

I think the idea of wearing plastic close to your most sensitive body parts is horrendous. First, you are dealing with a very bad energy. Basically, things made of oil tend to be this way. It hinders the flow of your own bodily energies. Secondly, if you're in fire, the plastic clothes will melt in a split second and stick to your skin forever. Not only are you creating more work for the plastic surgeons, but you are also creating the most horrible damage to yourself. Incidentally, cotton takes a long time to burn down. And as I said before, what happens to your underwear when you toss them? Surely you don't recycle them for the purpose of charity!

For god's sake, if you want to make a difference, start with yourself! Start with the thing that is the closest to you. I am not really a typical eco-warrior, because I don't see things in black and white most of the time. I think that the best I can do is to take care of my share, I don't have to carry every body else's responsibility on my shoulders. Both Martin and I are (at least we think we are!) quite level-headed about the pros and cons of various choices we make as consumers in a Western society. But I do have my gripes and polyester clothes is definitely one of them!! I'm in fact so sensitive to plastic that I can tell how big a percentage of polyester is in a material just by touching it and feeling how strong the electric currents are (and yes I am not kidding!). I want to add that viscose is not a great alternative, while it is better because it's made of cellulose, it's fabricated in a really toxic environment, and it doesn't feel good to my touch either. I can only wear it if I wear cotton underneath. 

I tolerate up to 20 % polyester in a garment, and in fact I don't really have much of a choice since there is polyester even in woollen clothes. I admit that in the cases of very low percentage it does improve on the durability, so it may be warranted.

So, start with your most intimate choices and decide how you can better the world from that point of view. That is my five cents!

Artwork: Abstract digital photograph by author, all rights reserved

Source: http://vivi-mari.blogspot.com/2011/10/abolish-polyester-underwear.html

spiritual practices spiritual psychic

Evolving Being in Action: Carolyn Shannon

Hello Everyone! My name is Carolyn Shannon and my favourite song is “Faith of the Heart” by Rod Stewart. It is from the Patch Adams movie and little did I know that I would be playing a role similar...

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/EvolvingBeings/~3/Th-nkKf_JkE/

spiritual activities spiritual articles

Life is what you make of it

Life is as easy or as hard as you choose.  In essence, life is what you make of it or nothing.  How does it feel to let go of attachment to outcomes and to recognize fear is all in the mind? Discover what a different point of view is like.  Expand your horizons.

"Life is easy when you have no fear and no preferences." - Ajahn Brahm

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/DreamBuildersAustralia/~3/SWr79ZBIfBw/life-is-what-you-make-of-it.html

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Guest Article: The Law of New Thought by Gina Magee

Source: http://spiritfeast.blogspot.com/2012/02/guest-article-law-of-new-thought-by.html

spiritual learning spiritual life

My Latest Resolution: Clean While I Cook.

I've cribbed some of my favorite resolutions from other people, and when a thoughtful reader posted that one of her resolutions is to "Clean while I cook," I immediately decided to adopt that for my own. "Clean while I cook"...

Source: http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2012/03/my-latest-resolution-clean-while-i-cook.html

spiritual leadership spiritual learning

How to Know Whom to Vote For: Reds (Republicans) and Blues (Democrats) Compared for Your Convenience and Enlightenment

Source: http://spiritfeast.blogspot.com/2012/03/how-to-know-whom-to-vote-for-reds.html

articles on positive thinking articles on spirituality

How To Be A Spiritual Atheist (Guest Article)

Source: http://spiritfeast.blogspot.com/2012/02/how-to-be-spiritual-atheist-guest.html

meditation spiritual growth meditation techniques

Tuning in to Healing Spaces and Sacred Places

Ever wonder why great architecture like Notre Dame Cathedral makes your spirit soar and bad architecture can make you feel sick? Dr. Esther Sternberg, a former member of the Academy of Neuroscience for Architecture (ANFA) says that built environments can be built to soothe and calm or unintentionally create a stress response. Dr. Sternberg is author of, Healing Spaces: The Science of Place and Well-Being. In her bestselling book, she describes how the brain registers sensations through...

Read the full post here »

Source: http://blog.beliefnet.com/awakeintheworld/2012/03/tuning-in-to-healing-spaces-and-sacred-places.html

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Feeling Sorry For Yourself: The Number One Block To, Well, Everything!

Source: http://spiritfeast.blogspot.com/2012/01/feeling-sorry-for-yourself-number-one.html

karma living karma meaning

words to live by: happy as a new dawn

(♥) Hot sand on toes, cold sand in sleeping bags, I've come to know that memories Were the best things you ever had The summer shone beat down on bony backs So far from home where the ocean stood Down...

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/PositivelyPresent/~3/HUm58QP79LE/words-to-live-by-happy-as-a-new-dawn.html

spiritual inner healing spiritual insights

words to live by: finally woken

(♥) I've been thinking 'bout things For a long while I'm feeling so calm I've got a big smile I have a view of the sun Right over the sea And now I can feel Life is flowing through me...

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/PositivelyPresent/~3/edg3MdHyQ78/words-to-live-by-finally-woken.html

good karma good thoughts about life

Is Religion Taking Over the US Government? Rick Santorum Seems to Want It That Way...

Source: http://spiritfeast.blogspot.com/2012/02/rick-santorum-republican-candidate-for.html

karma religion key to positive thinking

Is Heaven a Democracy?

Source: http://spiritfeast.blogspot.com/2012/02/is-heaven-democracy.html

health and spirituality health benefits of positive thinking

How to Know Whom to Vote For: Reds (Republicans) and Blues (Democrats) Compared for Your Convenience and Enlightenment

Source: http://spiritfeast.blogspot.com/2012/03/how-to-know-whom-to-vote-for-reds.html

positive life positive mental attitude

The Mind/Body/Spirit Equilibrium

The mind is a powerful and wonderful instrument. When it’s balanced with the body and spirit a certain peace and harmony take shape and guide one’s life. Being fully in the body means experiencing the sensations of the five senses fully. In some spiritual practices, asceticism has been a practice to deny the body and disconnect from it. But the senses bring information of hot and cold, dark and light, bitter and sweet. By moving fully into the body, the intuition can be fully activated. For...

Read the full post here »

Source: http://blog.beliefnet.com/awakeintheworld/2012/03/the-mindbodyspirit-equilibrium.html

karma meaning karma religion

The Buddha in the Classroom: Zen Wisdom to Inspire Teachers.

"The Buddha in the Classroom: Zen Wisdom to Inspire Teachers," by Donna Quesada is primarily a book that long-time teachers, new teachers and students studying for a teaching job will find helpful. I must say, however, that while there are some helpful Buddhist tips for anyone, they are fairly basic and can be found in greater depth in books that are primarily about Buddhism in general. But, for less ardent students of Buddhism, it might just be the right amount of Dharma mixed with career advice.

This book is really geared toward the teaching community, and how they can use mindfulness techniques to keep teaching fresh for both teacher and student. The book advertises itself as helpful to anyone and while that it's true, you have to read through a lot of specific advice to teachers. Still, I can see how the tips the author gives would be helpful to anyone who feels stuck in a rut with their career.

I get a lot of books and this one wasn't horrible but it wasn't great, either. I'm probably give it a 6 out of 10 rating; one being worst on that scale and ten being best.

~Peace to all beings~

Source: http://thebuddhistblog.blogspot.com/2011/06/buddha-in-classroom-zen-wisdom-to.html

spiritual meditations spiritual mentoring

Meditation has positive effects on mood and anxiety in patients with memory loss

Researchers at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital determined that mantra-based meditation can have a positive impact on emotional responses to stress, fatigue and anxiety in adults with memory impairment and memory loss. Their findings are published in the recent issue of the Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine. Their study placed 15 older adults with memory [...]

Source: http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/news/meditation-has-positive-effects-on-mood-and-anxiety-in-patients-with-memory-loss

spiritual inspiration spiritual inspirational stories

Celebrating 5 years of our podcast

On November 7, 2006 we published our first Meditation Oasis podcast episode. We had no idea that 5 years later, there would be over 8 million downloads and that people all over the world, of all ages and backgrounds, would become listeners. Our podcast meditations have been used in ways and in places we would [...]

Source: http://www.meditationoasis.com/2011/11/07/celebrating-5-years-of-our-podcast/

spiritual pathways spiritual peace

iLivelihood: Steve Jobs and Right Livelihood.

PHOTO CREDIT: "Green Apple" by Suat Eman.

It is true that the inventor of the iPhone, Steve Jobs, was a genius and a true visionary. His inventions revolutionized modern society, which rightfully gives him a place among legends such as Thomas Edison and Henry Ford. It is also true that he dabbled in Zen Buddhism but I feel it goes too far when Lama Surya Das describes Steve Jobs as exemplifying the Buddhist teaching of "Right Livelihood."

Right Livelihood is one of numerous teachings by Buddha on how to live a life with less suffering for yourself, and others. One of those is "Right Livelihood" which (in brief) advises working in a job that does not promote the suffering of others. Unfortunately, Steve Jobs oversaw a multinational corporation that employed factories that did not treat their employees very well. In 2006, Apple was criticized for the working conditions in a factory that made iPods and Nanos.

The workers in that factory (Foxconn) were made to work 15 hour days until 11:30 at night and could not live with their families but instead had to live in on-site dormitories. In return for such harsh labor they were only paid US$50 a month. It might be a decent wage in China, but if Jobs was a Buddhist who truly cared about Right Livelihood, he would have ensured better conditions, and wages. Especially when you consider how much those finished products cost and how much money they brought in for Apple and Steve Jobs. According to the article, workers are "lucky if they make two percent of the profit from an iPod."

In response to the revelation of such working conditions, you'd think a Buddhist example of "Right Livelihood" would immediately put a stop to them. Sadly, no. As late as this year, Apple was still using the Foxconn factories to build iPads, and the conditions haven't changed. The working conditions are so terrible that 14 workers at Foxconn factories committed suicide in a 16 month period!! It became such a problem that Foxconn had to install giant nets around the tall factory building to prevent workers from leaping to their death. Supposedly workers could only work 36 hours of overtime but one record showed a worker having to work 98 stressful hours of overtime. It was also routine for less productive workers to be humiliated in front of their colleagues and all employees were banned from talking.

Of course, such working conditions don't tarnish everything that Steve Jobs accomplished, but in light of them, let's not claim Steve Jobs was more than he turned out to be. He was a flawed being like all of us, and we do not need to make him a near-deified being to appreciate his genius.

~I bow to the Buddha within you all~

Source: http://thebuddhistblog.blogspot.com/2011/11/ilivelihood-steve-jobs-and-right.html

health and spirituality health benefits of positive thinking

True Equality!

My energies at this stage in my life are preoccupied elsewhere, and I have not felt much inclination towards keeping this blog going. I am sure I will come back to it later when my life has settled but am apologizing for some delay... I am now in the midst of turmoil in that I'm moving countries and getting married. My previous entry was probably a bit soppy and I don't want to go on sounding insipid or trite! My focus has changed and I'm not sure how it will translate into more philosphical musings.

I recalled having written some things on equality in the past. I was in a lot of despair at the time because of the whole dating game that I experienced as so trying and depressing. I will pick out some central viewpoints  and comment on them from my present perspective, which has shifted since I met my fiancée. I hope to take the discussion even further in the future as this is a very exciting subject matter.

"I come from a country where men and women had to work side by side in a rather equal fashion in order to survive the harsh climate. At least that's how equality in our country is usually being explained. Note that Finland is among the few countries that has a female president"

While this is true, it has also been clear to me that equality in Scandinavia has been taken to an extreme or to be more exact; is at this point in time it's ruled by certain arid, set concepts rather than true, feeling-based respect towards our differences as men and women. I found while dating that men in this part of the world had a tendency to either dismiss any form of gallantry towards the woman or even complained that they should have the same rights as women! This was to me a rhetorical reply rather than a genuine response from one human to another.

I saw a documentary by a Finnish guy that brought out the fact that gender studies at the University still refuse to acknowledge that there are any significant differencies between the ways men and women function. He demonstrated through his empirical research that men solve problems by setting up hierarchies and competitive situations while women prefer to negotiate on a basis of equality. While this to me seems self-evident (and more or less the message in the popular Venus and Mars - books) it was baffling to learn that authorities still wish to ignore this. It was also suggested that women have trouble asking for a higher salary and feeling worthy of it. I can certainly relate to this, though in other areas of life. Being a female go-getter is probably less common than finding an assertive male, though at the same time we mustn't forget that exceptions usually confirm the rules.  

In my present relationship, we have acknowledged all gender differences from the very start and treated them as objective facts that we can joke about. It doesn't mean we don't take them seriously too, but only in relation to our need to fit together and work as a team. Many of our strengths and weaknesses are tied to our personalities or our physical condition, but a great number of them are also evidently tied to our gender. We are exploring these and trying to find a way of complementing each other that is genuine and respectful. I am very lucky to have met someone who is motivated to do this and doesn't hold his own activities or products as so sacred that they cannot be shared with another. His intelligence is such that he is able to grasp the higher meaning of teamwork within a relationship.

As an example, we curated an exhibition together and found that we were able to do a very good job as long as we did it rapidly without concerns of the ego. We have found that as soon as there is a sense of threat or accusation in one way or another, things go awry. (Luckily we aren't stubbornly holding onto matters of principle, which can be an efficient way of killing a relationship). I tend to make undue assumptions about the way men "always do things" because of bad past experience and he gets very upset when he feels accused of things he haven't done and isn't about to do. I am also the one moving to a different country and so I am quite overwhelmed by the prospect of fitting in and accepting all that is his. So far, we've mostly lived on my territory with my things. I can easily feel threatened as I have visions of how I want to lead my life, decorate my home, and so on. It's easy in these instances to forget about all the things we actually agree on and focus more on the differencies - especially if one doesn't quite understand what drives and motivateds the other. On the other hand, by testing these things and communicating them we are learning. I should also add, that I realized I have to stand up for myself more in order not to be treated in sexist ways by a society that easily sees the man as the leader - in our relationship, we are equal artistically speaking as well and I noticed that people didn't quite grasp the idea that we might be able to work as a team.

"I don't deny that my way of expressing myself can be perceived as strong by some people, but I am by no means a bully. I am not trying to get the upper hand, only have equal rights with everyone else. I am tender and giving but won't waste my efforts on anyone who only wants to reinforce their ego. I can't afford wasting my precious energy, as I don't have that much of it (at least for the time being). The fact that men have complained about the strong will of mine tells me that they have not been very strongwilled individuals themselves"

Well, I see myself as a bit of a paradox, as I have strong tendencies of nurturing but also refuse to be treated with disrespect or made into a doormat. I get very upset when I don't feel understood. But of course, to a great extent this has occurred in my life because not very many people have been able to relate to me on a deeper level. It takes a very intuitive and empathic man with a whole other set of values that aren't quite the norm to grasp what I'm about. It seems that I am indeed appreciated for the reasons I want to be appreciated, and that is for all the reasons by which I am different from most other people. I also need to add though, that my partner has no hang ups whatsoever about social roles and is also able to see my feminine essence rather than the way I represent womanhood within the framework of society. This applies to how I feel about my partner as well.The latter is a sense of the complementary qualities of yin and yang that is our basic working theory.

"One thing that I've noticed in my own life is that men want to be in charge of how a relationship develops. It starts with them deciding when to write or call, how to meet, and where to develop the contact. This to me is extremely stressful because for one thing I find it unacceptable and unfair, and on the other hand it wears on my over-stressed nervous system. I easily break down like I did the other day if I have to put up with a state of not knowing what the deal is"

I have found, that I actually want a man to be in charge a lot of the time but only if he truly respects me. Only now do I feel respected and also valued for the things that I am able to do, and so I have trust. I also have trust because I feel that my partner executes projects more or less the way I would too, and so there is seldom any conflict of interests. This helps me mellow out and allow him to take care of many things that are difficult for me. Of course, some people have to learn about compromise in some big way, but to me too many differences would detract from what I consider important. The things I know he's better at taking care of than me are especially things of a practical or physical nature, as well as technical issues. I am not physically equipped for many things. When it comes to technical problems I have realized that it comes more naturally to men to deal with those, and though women can certainly learn how to tackle them, it's often not worth all the trouble. I suppose I in return give him what he feels he needs, as this he tells me very often!

"I wish that men would realize how emotional women can sometimes be without it meaning half as much as they think. Secondly, I wish they would realize that their actions cause us to fret and ruminate for ages afterwards. Women spend an enormous amount of time trying to understand men, but when do they ever care to understand us? In other words; how can we ever reach true equality if one part of the population is not interested in investing any efforts into truly understanding the other part? This leads me to the core of my thinking, which is that rather than choosing sides and thinking in terms of either-or the way we are used to, we should really try and embrace both-and. So even though I'm a bit sad and nervous about the way men so easily dismiss me as "difficult" I still hope to give each individual the benefit of doubt. But my refusal to be submissive is probably going to cost me a lot of things that belong to a normal life on Earth"

I think it takes a bit for a man to realize that women often over-react. However, if they are willing to find a way of approaching us that doesn't appear patronizing, it can work out just fine. An intelligent man will see the meaningfulness in developing this kind of understanding and may even see it as a spiritual quest. I am lucky in that my partner is interested in how people function psychologically speaking and so there is always plenty to talk about. I always knew, that I would not be able to live with someone who didn't meet me in this area of life. I think that this form of curiousity defines a higher level of intelligence, but then I am biased, of course!

We do sometimes argue because neither of us wishes to be a doormat. We do, however, think that there are ways around it. First, we must realize that neither is ever going to be submissive and accept this as a fact. Then, it's a question of trusting the other not to be manipulative. I can see the temptation to manipulate another but am trying to catch myself every time. I also know that he's able to detect any such behaviour as a result of past experience and an analytical mind. It takes time to get to a place of true trust. This leads to the feeling of being respected and from this, more confidence and less fear of being put down in any way follows naturally. It takes effort, because you must always keep the other person in mind. You don't make important decisions without consulting with your partner. You try and remember the ways in which your partner complements your weaknesses and allow them to fill up that space for you. You treat your relationship as a kind of business relationship that extends indefinitely outwards in all the directions, in ways in which you can express love towards the other. At its best, it can encompass all of life's areas and help you evolve towards a greater sense of fulfillment as an individual as well as a couple.

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with acknowledging your partner as complementary and in some deeper way as your other half. As always, I'd like to finish with a statement about the importance of seeing paradoxes as an expression of the greater truth about reality. I believe, that we can be whole unto ourselves as well as whole within a relationship. In other words, you can be a whole and a half at the same time. If you sense any truth whatsoever in this, I challenge you to think of ways in which this is possible! I believe this is for each and every one of us to find out for themselves. I would suggest, that this is the secret of the sort of equality this world will see more of in the future.

Artwork: "Swan Play" digital photography, copyrighted by author 2010. All rights reserved.

Source: http://vivi-mari.blogspot.com/2010/05/true-equality.html

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"The Present Is Enriched by the Past and the Future."

“We are made happy in the present moment not only by our actual delights but also by our hopes, our reminiscences. The present is enriched by the past and the future.” --Émilie du Châtelet, "Discourse on Happiness," Selected Philosophical and...

Source: http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2012/03/the-present-is-enriched-by-the-past-and-the-future.html

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EGO FEARS AND THE METAPHYSICAL SIDE OF LIFE

Giorgio De Chirico: The Tower, 1913
This is one of my absolute favourite paintings.
I love the foreboding green sky, though
it's all really bathing in a warm light, and it's not cold or frightening,
 in spite of oozing solitude.
There is comfort in the silence, you can almost hear the figures whispering...
or just silently contemplating something on their own, yet in harmony with each other.
And the architecture provides a sense of security,
as it rightly ought to do.

Metaphysical painting was invented by Giorgio De Chirico in Florence 1907. It actually has nothing directly to do with the otherworldly, but rather a sense of mystery behind the objects of our day-to-day existence. I have been at a loss for a while, not feeling particularly spiritual in any way whatsoever. My days are full, thanks to my husband various things are going on a lot of the time, and apart from that I am struggling with the relentless insomnia and the fact that medicines have stopped working for me. It is really all consuming. Apart from this, I am thinking a lot about art. What is it to me?

Yet there are two things regarding my spirituality that are quite obvious to me. One is that my ego is struggling with the fact that I am less recognized as an artist than I used to be back in Finland. It lead me to say to my husband, "No one seems to realize how famous I really am" - and of course he burst out laughing and added it to the sayings of Vivi-Mari. I'm embarrassed! I also fear that I will never leave that mark on the world that I always hoped to, that mark that was supposed to justify my sufferings in this life. It's an awkward conflict and I naturally hope to see it resolved at some point in the near future. I am now middle-aged and hence all too aware of the shortness of life... of the little that is left.

Giorgio De Chirico: The Secret of Love 1914

Renee Magritte: The Secret Life 1928

Max Ernst: The Sea 1924

The other issue is more positive. Well, let's start with the fact that I want to make art about life here on Earth, and so I feel that I will fall out of favour from anyone who feels that the purpose of art is to point at higher levels of consciousness. The integral community is really promoting art these days as well as debating what exactly comprises integral art. It's worth having a look at integralllife.com.. Because we are speaking of integral art rather than mystical art, I venture to say that it is an art that has a broader spectrum of interest. In all honesty I find a lot of the art presented in their gallery emotionally cold, analytical - and male. Whether talking about chronic illness and similar issues in order to raise awareness of the challenges of the physical reality could be seen as integral remains to be seen, but of course I think it can be the expression of a very profound vision with deeply spiritual implications and it should encompass our human emotions. It's what I feel called to do, in spite of the fact that it is a form of risk taking for me. Not only is it very self-disclosing and this I have trouble with these days, but it may also simply not work out very well and it may gain no audience whatsoever. There's my ego all fear struck again...In fact, I have to concede that I am not necessarily any more important than anyone else, shock horror! 

Giorgio De Chirico: The Tower, 1913
I love the way the shadows are mysterious and comforting
rather than scary or in any way negative.

Anyway, the other issue is that of the metaphysical point of view, which has recently become much clearer to me than ever before. For one, I started to read the exhibition catalogue about Giorgio De Chirico and the artists he influenced (A Look Into The Invisible). I am still digging through some rather tedious scientific article in the beginning but believe there will be revelations to be had if I persevere. Can you not hear the silence and life of the objects above? And note that they are all about the sphere and the circle, perhaps meant to symbolize unity, harmony; in a sense the most perfect of forms? Perfection can be found in the most unlikely of places. Yet I prefer when it is imbued with human emotion; compassion, connection and warmth. The most abstract one is the one by Max Ernst, and while it remains intriguing to me, it also keeps me the coldest.

Can symbolism exist without a reference to the physical world? We tend to interpret the world symbolically, language being a basic form of symbolism. Yet how someone understands symbolism as a language and puts deeply meaningful symbols together to create bigger wholes is an art all its own, something not everyone is capable of. I think abstract art can only go so far in referring to something  universal and deeply meaningful in a humanistic sense.

At the same time, I started photographing objects in my studio. Since that worked out quite well, I continued by taking photos of other parts of the house. In the end, I had a portfolio which was good enough to send off to a journalist who blogs about interior decoration, despite the fact that our house is very far from being completed. I've just always wanted to be able to do this and ended up doing it in spite of all the "buts". I guess this is how you proceed in life: you don't wait for things to be perfect before you act. You just do what you feel driven to do in spite of all the imperfections. This is largely how I lead my life as someone with a chronic illness. I try my best to make the most of what I have. Working around things is my speciality...

Martin had renovated the bedroom walls, and painted them a yellow ochre,
 some of them have a saffron coloured glaze.
It's reminiscent of a Buddhist temple.
This is the notion I worked with, introducing all my red
and turqoise fabrics,
as well as more black and gold.
The floorboards will eventually be painted black.

Here are some of the close ups that give me a deeper sense of the mystery of objects and how they relate to each other (there are more in previous posts).

Photographing objects (I am calling the series "The Secret Lives of Objects") gave me this very strong sense of the being-in-the world of all these physical things and their interrelationships. This probably occurred because the objects were highlighted and isolated from their expanded environment. Suddenly I was able to grasp what Giorgio De Chirico was going on about. There is a mystery to be experienced right here, even in your very own home. There is a spirituality to be sensed where you least think to look for it. Everywhere is mystery. Colours and forms interact in harmony or disharmony, depending on the creator. It all reflects your soul, even the arrangements of fruit (often round!) in a fruit bowl. 

Source: http://vivi-mari.blogspot.com/2011/09/ego-fears-and-metaphysical-side-of-life.html

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Spiritual Growing Pains: Releasing Attachments and Expectations

If we’re committed to a spiritual life, it means we’re prepared to grow. But sometimes those around us make other decisions. It may feel that – like a child who outgrows clothes – we expand beyond the people and places that have been familiar and comfortable. This phase of the spiritual journey may challenge us as those around make judgments about our new state of being and our ever-evolving approach to life situations. Sometimes old friends and even family may not support the decisions...

Read the full post here »

Source: http://blog.beliefnet.com/awakeintheworld/2012/02/spiritual-growing-pains-releasing-attachments-and-expectations.html

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Normality versus Abnormality - Defining the Difference

We all question our normality at times. As human beings we are bound to have negative feelings that we're not proud of. We don't always act rationally with sufficient restraint, and so on. Of course, normality is a very vague term that only refers to a generally accepted consensus in the environment we know best. But as such, it does have some validity and we should allow ourselves to learn the lessons this very fact has to teach us. It's about us in relation to others - how can we get along better? Let me say first of all that the fact that we question ourselves is already a sign of mental health, because our inner censor is at work. This is not the case with deeply disturbed people who need to enhance their self-importance to ridiculous degrees in order to maintain a sense of self. To acknowledge flaws would be too catastrophical to them. They wouldn't be able to live with the suspiscion that they are not the perfect human beings they wanted to be. If we feel so inclined, we can feel sorry for the sad history that has made them into such people, but the world is full of them and very often all they need to do is just get a grip or seek help.

We may not always know with confidence whether we're acting within the framework of normality ourselves, but we usually recognize seriously and detrimentally deviant behaviour in other people. I am not saying all deviancy is bad, because the world needs many different kinds - I'm talking about the kind that harms other beings. This is yet another reason for studying other people; it may be a bit of a new age adage that we're only responsible for ourselves and should not concern ourselves with others since we cannot change them, but my opinion is nonetheless that by looking at others we may get a perspective on our own thinking and feeling. This is how we can identify patterns in ourselves that aren't working for us or for other people in our vicinity. In fact, if we look mindfully, we can see ourselves in other people as if we were looking into a mirror. What we dislike about someone else is often something we dislike in ourselves. If we didn't, we'd probably feel pretty neutral about them. Sometimes they disturb us because we are forced to take a stand; we have to decide whether we should be around these people and if we decide their presence is unwholesome to us, we may have to take steps to distance ourselves from their sphere of influence. All this can in truth be quite tiring. I for one have gotten a bit tired of worrying about other people and have decided that some people should simply not be bothered with at all. People are always going to disappoint us as they rarely meet with our expectations. There are times when it's best not to think about others too much but just get on with one's own life the best one can.

I have written extensively about manipulative people so whoever is interested in more is referred to older posts. I have been quite interested in this phenomenon but I think this should be my last post on the subject. Truth to say people who feel the need to manipulate are sorry people with unhappy lives, and the best you can do is leave them to dwell on their own issues. They have problems that don't have to be yours as well.

My husband had an affair with a woman some years ago but recognized after four and a half months that she was not quite "right". He ended the affair but she wouldn't take no for an answer. She became obsessed with him and wouldn't leave him alone. She would do whatever it took to get him in bed with her. When he found me she stalked me online, in the most vile manner. She infiltrated into my private FB account and when we found out, she sent my husband stories about her perception of who I "really am" in order to warn him. When this didn't work, she sent me some derogatory story about my husband, including accounts of their sex and how she would love him forever and ever. Her page was full of spiteful comments about my husband in Dutch (easy enough to run through a translator). She's still sending me anonymous manipulative comments online, obviously with the intent of creating unease. Perhaps she thinks I don't see through these games or understand that she's behind it all. The last thing that came to my notice was that she had forced her way into our house on the morning after our wedding when we were at a hotel. My mother was at the door but completely taken by surprise when this woman "with the mean eyes" ran upstairs uninvited to have a look at our home. The truly sad part is that this woman is a preacher. I don't suppose her God is particularly pleased with her transgressions.

As a side note, nobody that I know in this little town is impressed with her as a human being or a minister. Needless to say, they are sick and tired of her  rants about having been badly treated by my husband (who wouldn't hurt a fly). Among other things, she bought some stock for her shop from another local business and never paid for it. And this is not all... But she would probably not be able to see what she's doing, because presumably, in her mind she's not doing anything wrong. I am guessing that hiding behind a facade of spiritual authority in the role of a preacher is her way of justifying her existance in some way while trying to make sure no one sees her darker aspects. We have seen these kind of people over and over again - history is full of them. Religion is the greatest excuse and weapon humans have come up with, ironically the very anti-thesis of true spirituality.

Sometimes, people who want to be an authority within a church feel that as they consacrate their lives to God, God ows them something in return. They think they can expect God to be supportive of whatever they decide to do, and all means are sanctified. Some members of a parish believe that the authorities have been sanctioned by God, and this makes them especially vulnerable to manipulation. Some people are practically asking to be manipulated because they don't want to think for themselves.

While I don't know what drives the woman my husband had an affair with, she did actually do me a favour because she put normality in a perspective for me.

In extreme cases, people with sociopathic and/or narcissistic tendencies step beyond the boundaries of normality and common decency in ways we simply cannot ignore. Unfortunately, many live among us and therefore it's important to recognize the signs even when they are good at fooling people with their ingratiating ways. Intuition is your best guide. But I would also say that one sign of this type of personality disorder is the unability to let go of other people and instead continue to act as if they had a right to possess their victims, who should bend to their will. They are the first class bullies, with very little ability to feel empathy and understand other people's feelings - yet they love to tell other people how to run their lives because this is their power trip. The other sign is that there is no ability to see one's own wrongdoings, in fact there is a tendency to think that God or Satan or whatever entity inspire them is exclusively on their side, very much as fundamentalist religious terrorists or a cult leader would think. I don't think a normal person would be able to continue as an "authorized" advocate of deep religious values of truthfulness, kindness and love if they were able to acknowledge that they had these kinds of problems. If nothing else, this certainly is the greatest give away.

The term "sociopath" has nowadays been replaced with "antisocial personality disorder". Wikipedia says:  "...common characteristics of those with Antisocial Personality Disorder include superficial charm, shallowed emotions, a distorted sense of self, a constant search for new sensations (which can have bizarre consequences), a tendency to physically or verbally abuse peers or relatives, and manipulation of others without remorse or empathy for the victim. Egocentrism, megalomania, lack of responsibility, extroversion, excessive hedonism, high impulsivity, promiscuity and the desire to experience sensations of control and power can also be present. This type of disorder does not relate to assaults of panic or to schizophrenia." In other words, people border on the abnormal when their anti-social behaviour is excessive and harmful to others.

Artwork: digital photograph by author, all rights reserved 2010

Source: http://vivi-mari.blogspot.com/2010/12/normal-and-abnormal-how-can-you-tell.html

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