Source: http://spiritfeast.blogspot.com/2012/06/hear-those-who-say-they-seek-truth-run.html
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
put the bad book down : 5 reasons to stop wasting time
Source For months, my dad was reading a book he didn't enjoy. He would complain about it, but continued to trudge through it. Typically able to read a book in a week or less, it took him months to finish...
Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/PositivelyPresent/~3/bIJCcYw-6IY/5-reasons-to-stop-wasting-time.html
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Simplify.
‘In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness.’ ~Henry David Thoreau Post written by Leo Babauta. The tendency of life in our society is to become more complicated: Internet, television, shopping, work, family commitments, possessions, [...]
Source: http://zenhabits.net/simplify/
Monday, 20 August 2012
Celebrating 5 years of our podcast
On November 7, 2006 we published our first Meditation Oasis podcast episode. We had no idea that 5 years later, there would be over 8 million downloads and that people all over the world, of all ages and backgrounds, would become listeners. Our podcast meditations have been used in ways and in places we would [...]
Source: http://www.meditationoasis.com/2011/11/07/celebrating-5-years-of-our-podcast/
Saturday, 18 August 2012
positively present picks: week of august 13, 2012
Source "I found my destiny not in far off places, but within myself." Sonora Carver Path to Wellness : a wonderful + empowering site brimming with inspiration How to Tell Whether or Not You're an Adult : sadly (and hilariously)...
Friday, 17 August 2012
MY TAI CHI PHOTO IN THE NEWSPAPER AND OTHER NEWS...
My photo was in the local newspaper County Times, but unfortunately Alan Jefferies's Tai Chi class didn't get more space than this, and my photo was not credited. It's also cropped... How fortunate Alan chose this particular photo as one with smaller figures would have looked ridiculous in such a small space! Martin, my husband, was well dressed in black! We shall take part, hopefully the weather gods will be benevolent!
See more photos from the photo shoot here (scroll down a bit on the page).
I'm also pleased to have been chosen to partake in the Shrewsbury photography month in August! Two of my older abstacts will be at The Shrewsbury Coffee House.
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| "The Mystery of Calculation", copyright 2007 |
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| "The Magic of Curves", copyright 2007 |
Source: http://vivi-mari.blogspot.com/2011/07/my-tai-chi-photo-in-newspaper.html
Thursday, 16 August 2012
When things get too much, change the channel
Sometimes a person just can’t find any stillness anywhere. Maybe you have epilepsy or chronic pain, or are wildly worried about a child or other loved one, or have been rejected in love or had the bottom fall out financially. In other words, as a wise therapist, Betsy Sansby, put it, like there’s a nest [...]
Source: http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/when-things-get-too-much-change-the-channel
Post Wedding Stress Syndrome - the Sweetness and the Bitterness
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Vivi-Mari & Martin |
Disclaimer: the title is made up and has no base in medical research.
So, I am now a wife and Mrs! Did I ever think that day would come - no! I look at my rings in amazement.
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| Married! |
Leaving the beaches I had come to love since Martin came to live with me was bittersweet, and I still miss them. They meant less to me while I was alone; sharing gave them a new lustre altogether and it was great to get away from everything and breathe sea air when needed, just a short walk away. It was a cold and in this respect an unusually magnificient winter. The summer on the other hand was very warm, and we tried to go out on the cliffs as much as possible despite the arduous task of emptying the house. People in Wales figure I must be used to the cold... I laugh. Finnish houses are double or triple glazed and the summers are usually quite predictable and often warm. How I will survive in the cold old house in Wales is a mystery, but I knew what I signed up for...
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| The melancholy of the ice breaking in spring, Hanko |
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Just before the move, in Hanko |
We packed like crazy, as we are both diligent and wanted to make sure my things wouldn't get damaged in transit - we also wanted order so that packing the things up in a three storey house would be relatively painfree. We brought most things I own, as in the end replacing stuff is seldom an option when you're not well-to-do. It took a lot of effort to get a reasonably priced lorry and quotes, and to figure out a schedule for everything. We had to bring my three cats and the process was complicated beyond belief... in the end all went well and though we couldn't afford going on the same VIP flight as them the timing with another cheaper air company was perfect. It was the strangest thing to finally see them at the other end, after all the paperwork and worrying that they would be okay and let into a country with such strict rules! During all this, we also planned our wedding which was to take place three weeks after our arrival in the UK. I don't know... maybe a date in late September would have been better... but then we didn't know we'd be delayed and the venue we had chosen did not have other weekends open in the summer.
We went to the neighbouring town once a week to try on the dress I had made by seamstresses as well as the engagement ring that we eventually decided to design ourselves since we couldn't find a suitable existing one. The processes with these items was excruciating, as I was not quite confident that it would all come out alright in the end. It's not like we had designed dresses and rings before! In retrospect, things went quite smoothly nonetheless and the results were both good and well priced. Martin's Victorian style suit arrived on time and fit him perfectly.
We went to the neighbouring town once a week to try on the dress I had made by seamstresses as well as the engagement ring that we eventually decided to design ourselves since we couldn't find a suitable existing one. The processes with these items was excruciating, as I was not quite confident that it would all come out alright in the end. It's not like we had designed dresses and rings before! In retrospect, things went quite smoothly nonetheless and the results were both good and well priced. Martin's Victorian style suit arrived on time and fit him perfectly.
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Green velvet dress in natural materials only, made in collaboration with Anita and Mikaela in Ekenäs, made thanks to my dad's kind contribution. The process was tough but we ended up with something that did not feel tight anywhere and that hid my flaws. |
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| The Welsh bride |
When we finally arrived in Wales we were too busy trying to get the house into some kind of shape before our guests started arriving. All throughout the summer I went through a lot of painful processes regarding other people. On the one hand we had to decide who to invite and how to put guests up in the house. On the other, some people didn't let us know whether they were coming or not, and I was hurt by the nonchalance. In the end, some people promised to come but either told us at the last minute they couldn't afford it, didn't arrive at all without explanation, or just screwed things up. I was left with less guests than anticipated but despite my frustration I was by that time so exhausted I was glad the house wasn't as full as I had optimistically envisaged it. Those who did come were very helpful and cheerful and the ambience was good. My mother was happy here as well. Thanks to a select few to whom it occurred to help us we managed to get everything ready on time. Why someone like me who has limited energetic resources had to create a custom made wedding may seem silly... yet we both had a vision and were determined to make it come true. We were also on a budget and yes, we did stretch our limits both financially and energetically.
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| Ambience |
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| The Venue by night - a renovated chapel on a farm (photo courtesy of Adrian Roberts) |
In the end, what Martin and I were in charge of turned out really well, but many things left for others to take care of because we simply did not have the time and energy, were disappointing. The taxi driver whose minibus we had booked for the day to take people to the venue had decided to give up his company without telling us about it. Luckily we found out - but then he did the job alongside with other jobs and many people had to wait for a long time in the rain or had to give up altogether because the taxi didn't appear within a reasonable amount of time. A local journalist was one of those who never made it. My dad who is 78 had to sit with his bad hips on wet ground until one of the guests took him and his party back to their hotel. The caterers that we had to go for due to lack of inoffical options (DM Klassic Catering: http://www.dinewithmichelle.co.uk/) had promised a fabulous buffet but it turned out that all the wishes I had stated in a letter to them and discussed in person at the venue beforehand were ignored. They cost more than normal caterers and so we expected higher quality ingredients. I told them what a Scandinavian buffet/smorgasbord is like but they did not lay all the foods out at once as I asked them to. I had particularly looked forward to the trifle and the chocolate cake but the former was appalling and nothing like what I had asked for, and the former was served long after most people had left. We had these in lieu of a wedding cake. We had asked for a selection of Welsh cheeses but these were not brough in until all the foreigners had already left and then the caterers had the nerve to send us a substantial bill due to some imaginary "late addition". They also judged the space poorly and so a lot of my shabby chic decoration that I had spent months collecting in junkshops disappeared when they laid out their food. Trestle tables they had asked for were left leaning on the walls of the renovated chapel where the party was taking place... I felt very frustrated with my condition because I had not been able to make sure that everything was alright before the party started - I needed my rest.
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| Some of my decorations before it all had to be arranged |
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| Trying to quickly rectify the badly arranged fruitbowls! |
Question is, how do you stop ruminating over the negatives? As someone said, it's not uncommon to feel so overwhelmed after such enormous and very personal efforts and to feel disappointed that everything wasn't as perfect as one would have hoped, though many things (such as the music) were better than expected. In my case, the efforts I have made and the physical transition to another country were humangous! The truth is, the party was a great success and most people did not suffer too much from the shortcomings or didn't know about them. It just went by so quickly and before I knew it I was rushed to the stupid taxi that wasn't going to be flexible as expected. We went to a "sort of posh" hotel but learnt the following day that we had been given the wrong information about check-in time and could have stayed at our own party much longer. I was tossing and turning in bed, whishing we had made other arrangments altogether. Had we decided to stay and party much longer, others would have stayed too. Now it seemed that we made such incredible preparations for a fairly short party. But you only get one go at something like this. And you have to live with the choices you had to make months before. You don't normally get a second chance either! This is one of the hard facts of life, maybe a lesson.
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| Darn rain! |
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| We didn't even have time to write our vows so we improvised (photo courtesy of Adrian Roberts) |
And yes, although I had tried to make sure I didn't have any physical ailments on the Friday and Saturday of our wedding, I did come down with a headache from all the stress and Martin had tachycardia... it rained heavily and it was difficult to get my aging ex-photographer Mom to take decent pictures of us! But in the end, I guess we do have a good collection as a couple of friends also helped out in this respect.
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| Married! The Townhall was beautiful and the ceremony was nicely conducted. It really felt like "this is it". We played "What a Wonderful Li(f)e" by The Real Tuesday Weld on entering.  Now everyone in Swedish speaking Finland knows... |
When we went back to pack up I cried floods of tears because it was all over. Martin looked perplexed. I said, I know I have complained but the truth is it was something so beautiful yet so ephemereal, and I couldn't bear it! Why must the good things in my life always be so very transitory?! There was yet another thing for me to process. I am way too scared of losing the good things... and way too incapable of enjoying them while they last.
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After the party the clearing up |
After the months of pressure and the two fleeting days of celebration, I certainly had a bad bout of postwedding blues. It dissipated over the course of the following week but it doesn't mean there isn't much to process still. When I had to deal with yet another person's complications I got extremely enraged. Martin thought all sorts of things about me that were anything but positive until I started screaming at the top of my voice for 15 minutes. I can't take anymore!! He held me and comforted me with wise words of understanding and accepting that I had so much disappoinment with people building up over the past few years and it all came crashing down on me. As we all know, expectations are harmful but how do you stop having them? To date I haven't seen any convincing evidence that this is entirely possible without taking very radical measures.
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| Just the two of us... |
I even had fantasies about Martin's evil ex, who stalked me online last winter and seemed unable to let go, having put a curse on us to make the wedding days as rainy and arduous as possible. He wants me not to become bitter and cynical, and this is probably one of my spiritual challenges today. What do you do when people are so unreliable, you think the best of them or at least give them the benefit of doubt, and you even entrust them with things that are important to you - and so many let you down. Some because they don't understand better, but many because all they want is to extract money from you (the people who did help us, who did my dress and my ring as well as the people who own the farm of our venue are however not a case in point, and this must be kept in mind). Martin says he has been through a similar process and dealt with the fact that you simply have to accept the way people are rather than close off altogether. Obviously, we are all different and for some, like me, this is a hard chunk to swallow and it comes late in life. I do not know why it all hurts so much and how I can somehow gather myself and be less emotionally affected by other people's actions and behaviour. Things you cannot change are things you must accept, it's as simple as that. I also feel guilty, of course, because maybe it's just me and there's a sordid reason why I have attracted certain people of low character...
The wedding especially has shown what people are made of, and not all of it is pretty or the way I would expect it to be. I do also realize that I mirror myself in that I have little tolerance with complicated people like myself, as dealing with myself is quite enough. I am not as tolerant as I'd like to be, and quite harsh in some ways. I'm fed up with ignorance or idealism. I actively seek that which seems somehow "normal" so that I can find my balance and my place in this new life situation. I need to find myself again, fine balance and sleep better, and redefine who I think I am as my self has changed. Only then can I possibly find a new way of relating to people. I hope, at least.
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| Some of the lovely gifts given by old and loyal friends of mine - the samovar is ours but we received the gorgeous tea glasses. |
After the wedding I felt empty because first there was so much hard work and preparation and then there was "nothing". We had quickly bought a car, I quickly learned to drive in left-hand traffic with a British car on tiny and winding country roads, and we showed guests around - then they were all gone and the house was quiet. Well, there is that so-called real life when you have to start dealing with fixing up and renovating a house, adapting, making money so you'll survive, and trying to get money-hungry companies off your back (nasty surprises that took me right back to my former life...) - while one would expect to feel happy, in reality it's all quite daunting. But I also felt a sort of spiritual emptiness though. We talked about our beliefsystems as we walked along the beaches in Finland, and we also made plans for collaboration on a creative level. I'm glad we did because then came the circus and spirituality was at the bottom of the list of priorities. After the rumba, I felt nothing for any spiritual issues and that despite the fact that I've moved to a place where many spiritually minded people live and from what I can see, in general it's not very different from the way Martin and I look at things. But then I thought... spiritual emptiness is often a good thing, it means there is room for something new. What this will look like only the future can tell. First we have to make our life work for us on the mundane level.
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That was it... now real life begins with the process of acklimatization and the unfortunate debts. |
All photos are copyrighted!
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Source: http://vivi-mari.blogspot.com/2010/09/post-wedding-stress-syndrome-sweetness.html
Wednesday, 15 August 2012
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
Eva’s List: Traveling Light for Women
Post written by Leo Babauta and Eva Babauta. When I wrote my 16 Essential Tips for Traveling with a Family a couple weeks ago, I had a ton of people ask the same thing: “I’d like to see Eva’s packing list!” There’s an idea, it seems, that it’s much easier for a man to pack [...]
Source: http://zenhabits.net/evas-list/
Monday, 13 August 2012
Limit Screen Time, Limit Sitting
Post written by Leo Babauta. One of the hazards of our modern lifestyle is our tendency to become more and more addicted to staring at screens, and more and more sedentary. We look at laptops and desktop computers, iPhones and Androids and iPads and iPods, TVs and movie screens, play video games, watch videos, surf [...]
Source: http://zenhabits.net/offline/
Sunday, 12 August 2012
How to Live with Purpose, Happiness & Well-being
EBTV presents host Evita Ochel with special guest Ivan Staroversky. In this video interview Ivan shares his expertise as a psychotherapist, NLP trainer and practical scholar in the field of applied positive psychology to help people understand...
Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/EvolvingBeings/~3/gMq1HnnqEjM/
Saturday, 11 August 2012
Relaxation Meditation Script
Brad Austen has made available a free Relaxation Meditation Script. Read this Meditation Script below or Download the PDF. Your comments on this relaxation meditation script are appreciated in the space at the bottom of this page. Namaste, Nigel. Relaxation Meditation Let’s begin by becoming aware of your breathing. Take a deep breath in [...]
Source: http://www.exploremeditation.com/relaxation-meditation-script/
17 Ways to Connect With Angels
by Susan Gregg 
1. Pray 2, Meditate 3. Make a pair of angel wings and dance around your living room 4. Draw angels 5. Write letters to angels 6. Let angels write letters to you 7. Get some clay and make an angel 8. Look for angels in the clouds 9. Cut...
1. Pray 2, Meditate 3. Make a pair of angel wings and dance around your living room 4. Draw angels 5. Write letters to angels 6. Let angels write letters to you 7. Get some clay and make an angel 8. Look for angels in the clouds 9. Cut...Source: http://blog.beliefnet.com/angelsonyourshoulder/2012/06/17-ways-to-connect-with-angels.html
Friday, 10 August 2012
Thursday, 9 August 2012
John Lennon: Bodhisattva.
~I bow to the Buddha within you~
Source: http://thebuddhistblog.blogspot.com/2011/10/john-lennon-bodhisattva.html
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
Monday, 6 August 2012
Non-resistance in Meditation
Comment from Kathy — “I have trouble meditating in general. I can relax completely but then the slightest things disturb me. Things like my eyelids fluttering or an itch. My limbs become restless. Can you advise any strategy to help deal with that so I can stay in that relaxed state?” ———- 11-19-2011 — Meant [...]
Source: http://www.meditationoasis.com/2011/11/18/non-resistance-in-meditation/
What about forgiveness?
At some stage, if you allow yourself to be controlled by anger or other emotions, you may ask yourself whether someone deserves your forgiveness. Step back. Who or what is asking this question? Recognize the inner judge and behind that, the ego mind has your full attention until the moment you begin to sense the nature of this perspective does not feel quite right.
As you observe this view from a more objective vantage point, you begin to recognize that exploring the concept of forgiveness assumes; a) its possible to do something wrong; b)that you can weild real power over another person; and c) that somebody other than you exists. Watch what happens as you shift attention away from the conditioned mental filters and you begin to see though your own assumptions. Be open to seeing from a new vantage point.
If you ever contemplate forgiveness, you temporarily forget you also have the option to see everything through the lens of the heart. This lens only knows pure love, acceptance and appreciation. It sees something good in everyone and every situation. The heart is aware;
1) All is well in this moment; Only the mind judges and creates a sense of duality (good/bad)
2) You cannot exert control over the external world, only how you respond to it
3) There are truly no divisions or separate self
4) Seeing through the eyes of another is a mirror reflection
5) The fear of not being loved is unfounded
6) Unconditional love is the essence of being (Love is what you are)
7) As the ego mind of the HUMAN awakens to the pure love of BEING = Oneness
8) Nothing is actually taking place as the mind would have you believe
Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/DreamBuildersAustralia/~3/MXEgVFmyTSk/what-about-forgiveness.html
Sunday, 5 August 2012
Celebrating 5 years of our podcast
On November 7, 2006 we published our first Meditation Oasis podcast episode. We had no idea that 5 years later, there would be over 8 million downloads and that people all over the world, of all ages and backgrounds, would become listeners. Our podcast meditations have been used in ways and in places we would [...]
Source: http://www.meditationoasis.com/2011/11/07/celebrating-5-years-of-our-podcast/
article on positive thinking articles about positive thinking
Saturday, 4 August 2012
Henry David Thoreau the Buddhist?
This quote from the great early American writer, Henry David Thoreau sounds very similar to something you'd hear said in Buddhism. Perhaps the similarity stems from Thoreau's transcendental beliefs. IMAGE CREDIT: www.quotablecards.com ~I bow to the Buddha within all beings~
Source: http://thebuddhistblog.blogspot.com/2012/02/henry-david-thoreau-buddhist.html
Friday, 3 August 2012
Thursday, 2 August 2012
Tynan’s Rules for Living
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Tynan of Tynan.com. When the godfather of blogging tells you to write a post, you write that post. Two days ago Leo and I were talking about habits and procrastination and things like that. I told him about a few of the rules I have for myself, [...]
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
GOODBYE TO THE OLD NEW AGE... OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW
Many of those who are my age group will remember the 1980s and 1990s as a time of exciting spiritual discoveries and the testing of many different belief systems. The very definition of the New Age is its eclecticism, the famous spiritual smorgasbord from which the individual could choose what they felt attracted to and create their very own unique world view. Mixing and matching was in. Though I never confessed to the New Age or any other form of religious or spiritual beliefs with ardour and conviction, I guess in a sense I had one foot in the New Age field and one in the Transpersonal or Integral field (as the Wilberian system of thought is called today). While the New Agey way of being is still inspiring people to become spiritual seekers, it does seem to me that the heydays are over. We threw a great party but now is time to sober up!
Of course, as always this a subjective point of view. But I've been thinking how there was a sort of spiritual wave movement and how it seems to have started to settle. Eclecticism just doesn't seem to have the allure it once had. You can only mix and match if you believe the systems you're referring to are relevant to your life in some way. Being a spiritual omnivore looks a bit wishy washy and undecided to me. People running around attending a lot of spiritual seminars all the time are often just spending time, distracting themselves rather than addressing the real issues of their lives. It seems important to me that people don't get hooked on holding onto old ideals but embrace new ways of being, as well as decide on who they really are and where that could take them in the future. What kind of person do you want to be rather than what kind of different person do you want to be? Perhaps this should take precedence to the belief system; maybe it's more important than concerning oneself with what kind of spirituality is defining one's identity.
I settled on a world view after ten years of research, and it hasn't changed much since then. Practical life took over and dealing with emotions became the focal point. Every now and again I revisit theories or here say about the current spiritual situation, mostly by checking things out on the internet. What I've noticed in myself is that there are two fundamental problems. On the one hand I don't feel a lot of excitement about either new age ideas or integral theory - most of the time I'm yawning or even feeling annoyed and only rarely do I sense a spark of interest as in "wow this I can apply to my life!". Most things just seem to complicated and/or hypothetical. On the other hand there's an inner conflict which is tearing me apart. I don't seem to be able to reconcile an expression of spirituality with the less spiritual side of life. I feel like a chameleon, trying too hard to adapt to different groups of people and ideologies. This is very obvious when I write for a general public, or make artwork. I feel uncomfortable about being overtly spiritual and talking in spiritual terms. I've been beating myself up over this, thinking that I'm just not focused enough... not spiritual enough... etc... but maybe it's really a sign that I should pay attention to?
Ken Wilber (check out the loft series at www.integrallife.com) has been talking a lot about bringing a contemporary form of spirituality into every day life as most of what religion used to represent has become redundant. In general, religions represent exoteric ways of approaching spirituality - it's mostly a dualist world view with a God who is separated from the individual. Rituals and ceremonies pay an important role in this kind of thinking. Modern spirituality, on the other hand, is mainly esoteric and inwards looking. God is not seen as separate from the creation, on the contrary human beings are co-creators of this reality. In other words, we are not subject to some divine rule but intrinsically part of the divine and all that is. I agree with the idea that we are one with everything and more powerful than what meets the eye. But I also think that at this point in historic time there is a limit to how creative an individual can be, and that there's a danger in starting to force oneself to become more than what is humanly possible at any given moment. This is mainly where opinions differ among spiritual people. I have been fretting over this dilemma for the past ten years as I have felt pressure to perform better than I really feel able to. So how can I get away from all these inner conflicts?
Well, perhaps the solution is to become more centred in who one really is in this moment, in this place, in this body, at this point in historic time. It's almost as if spirituality has become as uncomfortable as religion. For different reasons, yes. But maybe it's time to move on and become less focused on the whole issue of spirituality. What I sense is that spirituality can easily keep us in a dualist position even when the belief system is about oneness. Whether it be fairies, angels and crystals (the New age) or levels, stages and quadrants (Integral Theory), it can really all just become distractions and a form of entertainment. In the end, the reality of life as such is usually a different matter altogether. I want to uncover my authentic self as it manifests itself in this time and place. Do I really need any paraphernalia or pretty theories to do so? To me, the answer is no. It's surprising how difficult it is to see yourself exactly as you are right now, without all the striving and manifesting to become happier and more spiritual. This has been said before, for instance Chogyam Trungpa talked about "spiritual materialism" already a long time ago. It was all about people who are taking on the spiritual cloak and pursuing spiritual ideals much as people pursue material possessions.
Spirituality as much as religion and other forms of belief systems (ecological thinking being a case in point) tend to become another set of rules with a great deal of restrictions attached to them. "Can't do this, can't do that..." - well this is not really embracing "all that is" and reaching for the experience of real oneness. Instead, dualism and polarisation really kicks in. Very often the restrictions don't even make a lot of sense, they exist because they seem to be a way towards greater approval by some authority or another, or because they make people feel secure. As soon as you think, "that person is not as spiritual as me", you're deep in trouble. You have drawn a clear dividing line between yourself and someone else. The tendency of the mind to polarise is, per se, a normal thing, but when it's done in the name of spirituality it becomes a very false attitude indeed.
My point, however, is that there comes a time when even spirituality itself becomes redundant. Instead, this could at least for some of us be a time to sink into ourselves and exist as exactly the person we happen to be in this particular life. Perhaps you're someone who will ascend in 2012. Perhaps you're not. Accepting that you don't know which you are could be quite liberating. Perhaps there is no ascension at all or maybe it's very different from here say. You know some things of a spiritual nature with great certainty but equally, you don't know many things with certainty. Liberate yourself and accept that this is true to who you are right now. What is valid and relevant, right now? Quietly discard the old and accept the new. It could be a greater connection to life through the heart, after all, an evolutionary step towards greater heart centredness has been predicted. If this is true it means that it's there for us to receive if we are able to open up to it. Yet my point is that we cannot open up to the simplicity of the heart's beauty if we keep distracting ourselves with shiny things and grand ideals. Do what you feel you need to do (e.g. keep the body/mind in sync) and stop worrying about whether it's spiritual or not! I think this kind of respect for the self is the true essence of self-love.
Artwork: An old postcard from the 1980s. This is how I feel a lot of the time!
I settled on a world view after ten years of research, and it hasn't changed much since then. Practical life took over and dealing with emotions became the focal point. Every now and again I revisit theories or here say about the current spiritual situation, mostly by checking things out on the internet. What I've noticed in myself is that there are two fundamental problems. On the one hand I don't feel a lot of excitement about either new age ideas or integral theory - most of the time I'm yawning or even feeling annoyed and only rarely do I sense a spark of interest as in "wow this I can apply to my life!". Most things just seem to complicated and/or hypothetical. On the other hand there's an inner conflict which is tearing me apart. I don't seem to be able to reconcile an expression of spirituality with the less spiritual side of life. I feel like a chameleon, trying too hard to adapt to different groups of people and ideologies. This is very obvious when I write for a general public, or make artwork. I feel uncomfortable about being overtly spiritual and talking in spiritual terms. I've been beating myself up over this, thinking that I'm just not focused enough... not spiritual enough... etc... but maybe it's really a sign that I should pay attention to?
Ken Wilber (check out the loft series at www.integrallife.com) has been talking a lot about bringing a contemporary form of spirituality into every day life as most of what religion used to represent has become redundant. In general, religions represent exoteric ways of approaching spirituality - it's mostly a dualist world view with a God who is separated from the individual. Rituals and ceremonies pay an important role in this kind of thinking. Modern spirituality, on the other hand, is mainly esoteric and inwards looking. God is not seen as separate from the creation, on the contrary human beings are co-creators of this reality. In other words, we are not subject to some divine rule but intrinsically part of the divine and all that is. I agree with the idea that we are one with everything and more powerful than what meets the eye. But I also think that at this point in historic time there is a limit to how creative an individual can be, and that there's a danger in starting to force oneself to become more than what is humanly possible at any given moment. This is mainly where opinions differ among spiritual people. I have been fretting over this dilemma for the past ten years as I have felt pressure to perform better than I really feel able to. So how can I get away from all these inner conflicts?
Well, perhaps the solution is to become more centred in who one really is in this moment, in this place, in this body, at this point in historic time. It's almost as if spirituality has become as uncomfortable as religion. For different reasons, yes. But maybe it's time to move on and become less focused on the whole issue of spirituality. What I sense is that spirituality can easily keep us in a dualist position even when the belief system is about oneness. Whether it be fairies, angels and crystals (the New age) or levels, stages and quadrants (Integral Theory), it can really all just become distractions and a form of entertainment. In the end, the reality of life as such is usually a different matter altogether. I want to uncover my authentic self as it manifests itself in this time and place. Do I really need any paraphernalia or pretty theories to do so? To me, the answer is no. It's surprising how difficult it is to see yourself exactly as you are right now, without all the striving and manifesting to become happier and more spiritual. This has been said before, for instance Chogyam Trungpa talked about "spiritual materialism" already a long time ago. It was all about people who are taking on the spiritual cloak and pursuing spiritual ideals much as people pursue material possessions.
Spirituality as much as religion and other forms of belief systems (ecological thinking being a case in point) tend to become another set of rules with a great deal of restrictions attached to them. "Can't do this, can't do that..." - well this is not really embracing "all that is" and reaching for the experience of real oneness. Instead, dualism and polarisation really kicks in. Very often the restrictions don't even make a lot of sense, they exist because they seem to be a way towards greater approval by some authority or another, or because they make people feel secure. As soon as you think, "that person is not as spiritual as me", you're deep in trouble. You have drawn a clear dividing line between yourself and someone else. The tendency of the mind to polarise is, per se, a normal thing, but when it's done in the name of spirituality it becomes a very false attitude indeed.
My point, however, is that there comes a time when even spirituality itself becomes redundant. Instead, this could at least for some of us be a time to sink into ourselves and exist as exactly the person we happen to be in this particular life. Perhaps you're someone who will ascend in 2012. Perhaps you're not. Accepting that you don't know which you are could be quite liberating. Perhaps there is no ascension at all or maybe it's very different from here say. You know some things of a spiritual nature with great certainty but equally, you don't know many things with certainty. Liberate yourself and accept that this is true to who you are right now. What is valid and relevant, right now? Quietly discard the old and accept the new. It could be a greater connection to life through the heart, after all, an evolutionary step towards greater heart centredness has been predicted. If this is true it means that it's there for us to receive if we are able to open up to it. Yet my point is that we cannot open up to the simplicity of the heart's beauty if we keep distracting ourselves with shiny things and grand ideals. Do what you feel you need to do (e.g. keep the body/mind in sync) and stop worrying about whether it's spiritual or not! I think this kind of respect for the self is the true essence of self-love.
Artwork: An old postcard from the 1980s. This is how I feel a lot of the time!
Source: http://vivi-mari.blogspot.com/2011/07/goodbye-to-old-new-age-out-with-old-in.html
Tuesday, 31 July 2012
Monday, 30 July 2012
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE A SPIRITUAL PERSON?
I'm sure many of us question our spiritual path at times. In spite of much effort there isn't always that much to show for. Or so it seems. In times of doubt, I've had to go back in time to the moment I had my own personal "revelation"which lead to a lot of research into esotericism and soul searching. The revelation was just an insight, nothing very spectacular. I recently watched some episodes of the iconic TV series "Kung Fu" from 1973, the one that made me cry buckets because the perfect use of the body and the disciplined mind in synergy was something that I really wanted for myself. I wanted to do Kung Fu but knew my back problem wouldn't allow it. Well, in the end I did it anyway; I did a first part and received the first belt. It was incredibly hard work, more than I was physically capable of, and it cured my desire for more. I got it out of my system - fortunately, because I wouldn't have been able to go onto the next stage because of my back problem being more obviously in the way.
So now I have revisited the TV series, but this time it just made me sad that my life is far removed from the ideals presented there. Rocked by emotions, temper and judgmental thought, and at the mercy of physical ailments I am... while desperately trying to raise the level of chi and trying to fit in some creative work into the day, I become aware of all the strife involved in the pursuits of a better life or way of being. Illness can force you onto your knees, as managing yourself and your attitudes becomes oh so much harder. It's easy enough to be positive and generous towards life and other beings when you're well and strong. Doubt about yourself and others creep in more easily when you're weak and tired. There are many challenges to face on a daily basis. There is very little time for all the things I should do in order to keep fit, to balance the energy level, to raise chi and to purify the mind through meditation practice, work with emotions, mindfulness, and simply talking sense to myself. Of course, if you believe in reincarnation then you will have faith that this was meant to be, that these collectively hard times are helping you grow as well. As someone recently comforted me, it isn't the weakest students that get the hardest lessons..
Ironically, the challenges are sometimes quite the opposite to what we think they are supposed to be. For instance, positive thinking is not an end in itself, because that would just be a way of denying the negative that is intrinsic to a polarised attitude. You can't become an unconditionally loving person just by willing it, because you will be a fake and you will simply be suppressing negative tendencies. Sooner or later it will become apparent. The process is much trickier, as you must gradually work your way through the inner bullshit and find a way out of false or fake attitudes. Meanwhile, trying not to be so hard on yourself as you recognize that a judgemental attitude towards the self is just as detrimental as it is towards others. Does this sound familiar? Then you are no doubt a spiritual person. You're such a person because you care about these things. You want to get it right. And you may not even know exactly why. Perhaps you had some deep mystical experience that helped you in this direction, maybe not. It's not important. What matters is the way you feel about the purpose of your life when you are being really honest.
There are people who engage in spiritual or religious activities for a while but then turn their back on them in disillusionment. If you don't feel the calling of spirit that persists through adversity and set backs, then it's not your path. Sometimes I wish I could turn my back on all of it, as it creates much trouble in my life! Sometimes I think I have actually done just that, because momentarily I don't feel the compulsion to bring spirituality into something I'm doing or working on. I wonder though if maybe it's a healthy way of being, as not only do you need to give yourself some respite, but you also need to take stock of life on a practical level and all the elements that make up our day-to-day reality. Sometimes a bit of "normality" can be very restful. But it may also allow you to look at spirituality in a new light, and discover how it's intrinsic to all these elements and that your compulsive attention is not always required. If spirituality is your path, the spirituality will be there regardless of your efforts to engage in it. I think in life we need a balance between ordinary life and the grand spiritual ideals, otherwise we might become obsessed and out of sync with the way things really are. The fact that someone is doing meditation three hours a day is no guarantee that their life is any more spiritual than that of someone who just lives life mindfully regardless what comes along.
Then, to finish this off, there is the issue of mystical experiences. Remember, that as long as they have a beginning and an end, they are part of illusory reality. Some people have them, others don't. I don't think that is a measure of spiritual success. I think it just depends what kind of life you have chosen to live (since I believe there is a path of destiny). I know that people who seem genuinely psychic can seem intimidating, as if they have gained some great spiritual wisdom that you are not ready for yet. But this is just an assumption on your part, and may not be true at all. Being psychic can be just as much a challenge to deal with as anything else in life. It's easy enough to beat yourself up because you don't have them like some other people, or allow yourself to feel inferior. Well, maybe that's your spiritual challenge!
Artwork: "Forgotten Heart", digital abstract photograph, all rights reserved 2011.
Source: http://vivi-mari.blogspot.com/2011/08/how-do-you-know-youre-spiritual-person.html
developing positive thinking does positive thinking really work
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Saturday, 28 July 2012
Friday, 27 July 2012
Normality versus Abnormality - Defining the Difference
We all question our normality at times. As human beings we are bound to have negative feelings that we're not proud of. We don't always act rationally with sufficient restraint, and so on. Of course, normality is a very vague term that only refers to a generally accepted consensus in the environment we know best. But as such, it does have some validity and we should allow ourselves to learn the lessons this very fact has to teach us. It's about us in relation to others - how can we get along better? Let me say first of all that the fact that we question ourselves is already a sign of mental health, because our inner censor is at work. This is not the case with deeply disturbed people who need to enhance their self-importance to ridiculous degrees in order to maintain a sense of self. To acknowledge flaws would be too catastrophical to them. They wouldn't be able to live with the suspiscion that they are not the perfect human beings they wanted to be. If we feel so inclined, we can feel sorry for the sad history that has made them into such people, but the world is full of them and very often all they need to do is just get a grip or seek help.
We may not always know with confidence whether we're acting within the framework of normality ourselves, but we usually recognize seriously and detrimentally deviant behaviour in other people. I am not saying all deviancy is bad, because the world needs many different kinds - I'm talking about the kind that harms other beings. This is yet another reason for studying other people; it may be a bit of a new age adage that we're only responsible for ourselves and should not concern ourselves with others since we cannot change them, but my opinion is nonetheless that by looking at others we may get a perspective on our own thinking and feeling. This is how we can identify patterns in ourselves that aren't working for us or for other people in our vicinity. In fact, if we look mindfully, we can see ourselves in other people as if we were looking into a mirror. What we dislike about someone else is often something we dislike in ourselves. If we didn't, we'd probably feel pretty neutral about them. Sometimes they disturb us because we are forced to take a stand; we have to decide whether we should be around these people and if we decide their presence is unwholesome to us, we may have to take steps to distance ourselves from their sphere of influence. All this can in truth be quite tiring. I for one have gotten a bit tired of worrying about other people and have decided that some people should simply not be bothered with at all. People are always going to disappoint us as they rarely meet with our expectations. There are times when it's best not to think about others too much but just get on with one's own life the best one can.
I have written extensively about manipulative people so whoever is interested in more is referred to older posts. I have been quite interested in this phenomenon but I think this should be my last post on the subject. Truth to say people who feel the need to manipulate are sorry people with unhappy lives, and the best you can do is leave them to dwell on their own issues. They have problems that don't have to be yours as well.
My husband had an affair with a woman some years ago but recognized after four and a half months that she was not quite "right". He ended the affair but she wouldn't take no for an answer. She became obsessed with him and wouldn't leave him alone. She would do whatever it took to get him in bed with her. When he found me she stalked me online, in the most vile manner. She infiltrated into my private FB account and when we found out, she sent my husband stories about her perception of who I "really am" in order to warn him. When this didn't work, she sent me some derogatory story about my husband, including accounts of their sex and how she would love him forever and ever. Her page was full of spiteful comments about my husband in Dutch (easy enough to run through a translator). She's still sending me anonymous manipulative comments online, obviously with the intent of creating unease. Perhaps she thinks I don't see through these games or understand that she's behind it all. The last thing that came to my notice was that she had forced her way into our house on the morning after our wedding when we were at a hotel. My mother was at the door but completely taken by surprise when this woman "with the mean eyes" ran upstairs uninvited to have a look at our home. The truly sad part is that this woman is a preacher. I don't suppose her God is particularly pleased with her transgressions.
As a side note, nobody that I know in this little town is impressed with her as a human being or a minister. Needless to say, they are sick and tired of her rants about having been badly treated by my husband (who wouldn't hurt a fly). Among other things, she bought some stock for her shop from another local business and never paid for it. And this is not all... But she would probably not be able to see what she's doing, because presumably, in her mind she's not doing anything wrong. I am guessing that hiding behind a facade of spiritual authority in the role of a preacher is her way of justifying her existance in some way while trying to make sure no one sees her darker aspects. We have seen these kind of people over and over again - history is full of them. Religion is the greatest excuse and weapon humans have come up with, ironically the very anti-thesis of true spirituality.
As a side note, nobody that I know in this little town is impressed with her as a human being or a minister. Needless to say, they are sick and tired of her rants about having been badly treated by my husband (who wouldn't hurt a fly). Among other things, she bought some stock for her shop from another local business and never paid for it. And this is not all... But she would probably not be able to see what she's doing, because presumably, in her mind she's not doing anything wrong. I am guessing that hiding behind a facade of spiritual authority in the role of a preacher is her way of justifying her existance in some way while trying to make sure no one sees her darker aspects. We have seen these kind of people over and over again - history is full of them. Religion is the greatest excuse and weapon humans have come up with, ironically the very anti-thesis of true spirituality.
Sometimes, people who want to be an authority within a church feel that as they consacrate their lives to God, God ows them something in return. They think they can expect God to be supportive of whatever they decide to do, and all means are sanctified. Some members of a parish believe that the authorities have been sanctioned by God, and this makes them especially vulnerable to manipulation. Some people are practically asking to be manipulated because they don't want to think for themselves.
While I don't know what drives the woman my husband had an affair with, she did actually do me a favour because she put normality in a perspective for me.
In extreme cases, people with sociopathic and/or narcissistic tendencies step beyond the boundaries of normality and common decency in ways we simply cannot ignore. Unfortunately, many live among us and therefore it's important to recognize the signs even when they are good at fooling people with their ingratiating ways. Intuition is your best guide. But I would also say that one sign of this type of personality disorder is the unability to let go of other people and instead continue to act as if they had a right to possess their victims, who should bend to their will. They are the first class bullies, with very little ability to feel empathy and understand other people's feelings - yet they love to tell other people how to run their lives because this is their power trip. The other sign is that there is no ability to see one's own wrongdoings, in fact there is a tendency to think that God or Satan or whatever entity inspire them is exclusively on their side, very much as fundamentalist religious terrorists or a cult leader would think. I don't think a normal person would be able to continue as an "authorized" advocate of deep religious values of truthfulness, kindness and love if they were able to acknowledge that they had these kinds of problems. If nothing else, this certainly is the greatest give away.
The term "sociopath" has nowadays been replaced with "antisocial personality disorder". Wikipedia says: "...common characteristics of those with Antisocial Personality Disorder include superficial charm, shallowed emotions, a distorted sense of self, a constant search for new sensations (which can have bizarre consequences), a tendency to physically or verbally abuse peers or relatives, and manipulation of others without remorse or empathy for the victim. Egocentrism, megalomania, lack of responsibility, extroversion, excessive hedonism, high impulsivity, promiscuity and the desire to experience sensations of control and power can also be present. This type of disorder does not relate to assaults of panic or to schizophrenia." In other words, people border on the abnormal when their anti-social behaviour is excessive and harmful to others.
While I don't know what drives the woman my husband had an affair with, she did actually do me a favour because she put normality in a perspective for me.
In extreme cases, people with sociopathic and/or narcissistic tendencies step beyond the boundaries of normality and common decency in ways we simply cannot ignore. Unfortunately, many live among us and therefore it's important to recognize the signs even when they are good at fooling people with their ingratiating ways. Intuition is your best guide. But I would also say that one sign of this type of personality disorder is the unability to let go of other people and instead continue to act as if they had a right to possess their victims, who should bend to their will. They are the first class bullies, with very little ability to feel empathy and understand other people's feelings - yet they love to tell other people how to run their lives because this is their power trip. The other sign is that there is no ability to see one's own wrongdoings, in fact there is a tendency to think that God or Satan or whatever entity inspire them is exclusively on their side, very much as fundamentalist religious terrorists or a cult leader would think. I don't think a normal person would be able to continue as an "authorized" advocate of deep religious values of truthfulness, kindness and love if they were able to acknowledge that they had these kinds of problems. If nothing else, this certainly is the greatest give away.
The term "sociopath" has nowadays been replaced with "antisocial personality disorder". Wikipedia says: "...common characteristics of those with Antisocial Personality Disorder include superficial charm, shallowed emotions, a distorted sense of self, a constant search for new sensations (which can have bizarre consequences), a tendency to physically or verbally abuse peers or relatives, and manipulation of others without remorse or empathy for the victim. Egocentrism, megalomania, lack of responsibility, extroversion, excessive hedonism, high impulsivity, promiscuity and the desire to experience sensations of control and power can also be present. This type of disorder does not relate to assaults of panic or to schizophrenia." In other words, people border on the abnormal when their anti-social behaviour is excessive and harmful to others.
Artwork: digital photograph by author, all rights reserved 2010
Source: http://vivi-mari.blogspot.com/2010/12/normal-and-abnormal-how-can-you-tell.html
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